It was a good morning.
After being really sick, I work up from a fever -fee night, finally feeling like myself.
My children got up on time, everyone was good –we even got the bus stop five min early –
As we sat in the car laughing, my girls –my actual biological girls and I,
I asked my youngest if she remembered to take her homework.
She said yes, want to see??
She opened her homework folder only to realize that she forgot something she was supposed to bring to school at home. Her reaction was gut wrenching and all together over dramatic, crazy how I have such over dramatic children right??
“OK ,OK ,relax well go home , and I’ll take you to school” I say .
The gods were aligned, I didn’t have anything on my schedule, just office work although my inner voice was screaming …
“OH NO!!!I will lose an hour of work, I am so behind blah blah blah”
We zip home, I take them to school .On my way home I stop at star bucks ,felling like I deserve an ice coffee for my good mommy -hood
I have a shmata (rag )on my head, I’m wearing my glasses ,and to be honest ,
I never changed out of my pajamas .
Somewhere about 6 years ago I remember losing my dignity that way, having three kids in 4 years will do that to you.
I get my iced latte, I think to myself OK - I did good time,
my kid is happy ,I’m ok . I take a sip and exhale
As I am walking out of the store my eyes meet a man sitting at
one of the tables and I smile at him.
“Hia gorgeous” he yells out – I amflabbergasted , because let me tell you ,I couldn’t be farther away from gorgeous that day – andI spit out my coffee laughing .
He chuckles, and then says
“You have a beautiful day beautiful”
His entire table start to clap, I am burning red (I do not blush lightly) and suddenly grateful that I actually have a bra on.
I get to my car and I am laughing out loud
I know it’s going to be a good day,
That man with a few kind words and a smile made it just that .
My girls in Juvie are beautiful.
They are gorgeous, when I tell them this;
I sometimes can actually see them suddenly glow.
When I look at pictures of them that I have, my heart melts.
I have seen their broken, but beneath the broken there is such beauty, beauty my girls aren’t even aware of, beauty no one has even acknowledged.
I have had the privilege of being loved, I have had the joy of being adored, parents that noticed me .Lovers that saw me.
In my life I have been told that I am beautiful, yet today I was caught off guard.
I wasn’t feeling particularly beautiful and a stranger saw me and made me laugh to be honest, it felt good.
“Hia gorgeous!!” I said to her.
She looked at me, with angry eyes
“I am not gorgeous”
“Sweetheart you are, you are so gorgeous”
“You don’t know that” She says.
“You are right, I don’t know it, I see it” I answer
“That is bullshit” She troughs back at me.
“No, it’s the truth” I shrug.
She tried really hard to be angry, that’s these kids job, to be angry, not to trust, to not believe .
“I see it” I say
“What?” She tried to be pissed
This girl is beyond beautiful, but here is the thing, you might miss it if you don’t pay attention because she hides it so incredibly well. Truth is many of us do.
It is so easy to make someone feel good, it’s as simple as hi there, it’s as easy as hello .
Or an unexpected smile.
At the end of the class she was lingering and following me around
“Do you really think I am gorgeous” she asked
“Yes I answer”
“My mama thinks I’m ugly”
“Is she blind?” I ask
She burst out laughing, kind of like how I spit out my coffee in the am –
“You are funny Ms.” she says
“No, I am honest and I see you –even when you are hiding!” I say
Now she was really laughing and she said;
“My Mama doesn’t see me even when I stand right in front of her”
“Well, it’s a good thing she isn’t here” I say –
She gives me a punch on the shoulder .That is as affectionate as she can be now .I push her back gently, then I put my hand on her shoulder .
“You are gorgeous” I say,
She looks into my eyes, years of hurt, pain and abuse are right there.
Years of never being called beautiful.
She looks at me and very quietly whispers
“You are welcome!!”
The intense moment passes, she turns and walks away, I think she might just a tiny bit taller.
I watch her, I take a deep breath and smile to myself.
Sometimes it can be so simple – as simple as a ,
”you are beautiful” to make someone feel good .
So, I ask you to open your eyes, and your heart ,see the people around you,
even the strangers.
I ask you to say one small nice thing, be kind, and be generous with your words.
You see, in those words sits empowerment.
It is those words that make us a little taller, and a little less broken
“Hia gorgeous” He said to me, and he made my day.
So now you , go, make someone’s day.