They say we need to accept what we cannot change.
I’m trying really hard.
One of the main players form the show last week was sent to solitude the day before the presentation. She did something really bad.
I had to accept it.
She didn’t do the show, but they let her out to come watch. I am supposed to accept the fact that I can only change the ones that I can change, but cannot help the ones that I can’t.
I find that heartbreaking.
One of my girls who was in this group got out a few weeks ago.
After 7 months of being incarcerated she was sent right back to the same place she came from --The crack smoking mom. The drug-selling sister. The drug-infested environment.
She didn’t know what to do.
She texted me.
We went out and bought her art supplies.
I told her, “You are talented. Do drawings not drugs.”
We met a few times. She joined me at Homeboys Industries and then she went off the grid.
She disappeared, not to be found.
She needs some time a colleague told me.
I am supposed to accept that, but I simply can’t!
One of the girls from my last session is pregnant, a child having a child.
Two are back in jail.
I wanted something so different for them.
This is not what I expected.
A friend said, “Nomi, you cannot influence everyone. You need to accept that some will go back.”
I listened, with my heart trying, trying so hard to accept what I so desperately do not want to.
We are supposed to accept the things we cannot change and be happy with the things we can.
I am learning that we can only help those who want to be helped.
I want to help them all. I want to do better. I want us all to do better.
I don’t want to accept, although I know I do not have a choice.
25 people came to the show.
I am grateful – so incredibly grateful.
At the last show we had 75. This time I wanted 50. You should be pleased, I am told.
You must accept the fact that it’s far and hard for people to come.
“And really,” someone once said, “not everyone is interested in the kids you work with.”
What? I think to myself, how is that possible?
“Easy,” he answered. “We like to forget things that are far from our eye.
People don’t understand.
That’s the way it is. Accept that fact that some people will come but others will not.”
I find this hard to accept.
Recently someone was not so nice to me .
She was actually really mean
I was told that she does that to everyone.
Just accept that this is the way it is.
Don’t make a big deal of it. Just move on.
Well, I kinda made a big deal, the kind of big deal I know how to make.
Probably a little too big of a deal.
I talked a lot, probably a little too much.
I complained a little too loud. I called her out.
How can I teach these kids to behave in a certain way and then when I’m not treated that way not make a big deal out of it?
Nothing really happened to the bully, and there was no real consequence to her actions.
Not sure anyoneheard me, but at least I know I tried .
There are so many things we must simply accept in this life.
This is hard for me. To just accept isn’t my thing.
But sometimes you just have to.
I have learned lately that accepting is being realistic.
It doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to do our best or stop hoping.
It just means that you need to pause, and maybe even stop, as hard as that may be.
The one who couldn’t do the show sat way in the back. I went to see if she was okay.
“Please ask them again if I can just do the dance,” she begged.
“You can’t. They made it very clear to me,” I say.
“Can’t you ask again?”
“No, I am so sorry!“
She watched the show and I saw her cry.
I called her up in the end to give her a flower and a certificate.
I whispered in her ear, “If this is too hard, you don’t have to sit here.”
“But I did good Ms., didn’t I? I applauded and supported my friends.”
“Yes, you did!” I said.
I think she accepted the situation better than I did.
Choices and consequences. I teach that again and again.
She made a really bad choice and the consequence was brutal.
I could barely take it.
But she was okay.
I text and e-mail my girl who is off the grid.
The phone number is disconnected. The e-mails have started to bounce back so I stop.
I feel such a sense of despair.
I know that when she surfaces, she will reach out to me.
She already did that once.
I have a few of them that disappear into the darkness and then come back.
I wait for her, and pray, because what else can I do?
I watch these kids accept their reality.
I carefully challenge that, and tell them to dream of more.
I see them accept disappointment and actually wait for it.
So I try to teach them that there is good in the world,
and that people can and will come through for them.
Thank God for my remarkable village of friends and colleagues who show up and help me prove this to them again and again!
This week I was crazy busy. I was not at home enough, came home late, left early.
My sweet children accepted it ,and left me love notes on my computer.
We must accept in order to move forward.
We must accept so we do not get stuck.
It doesn’t mean we give up or forget or fall short.
It just means we put it on the side and possibly walk a little lighter.
We must accept because we are human.
But, most of all, we must accept because sometimes THAT is all we can do.
And as much as I don’t want to accept that, I do.